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Siesta Key’s Madisson Hausburg Is ‘Utterly Terrified’ to Get Pregnant After Stillborn Birth: ‘Hole in My Heart’

Siesta Key’s Madisson Hausburg Is ‘Utterly Terrified’ to Get Pregnant After Stillborn Birth: 'Hole in My Heart'
Madisson Hausburg Courtesy of Madisson Hausburg/Instagram

Forever in her heart. While grieving the death of her stillborn son, Madisson Hausburg is on the fence about carrying another child.

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“As today marks Elliot’s three-month birthday, I want to share a life update with everyone. After getting the green light from the doctor this week, Ish [Soto, her husband] and I have decided to try conceiving again,” the Siesta Key personality, 28, wrote via Instagram on Saturday, March 13, sharing a photo of the urn filled with Elliot’s ashes. “Am I ready? No, I am utterly terrified. After Elliot’s death, I don’t think I will ever be truly emotionally ready to be pregnant again. But I have this deep need to be that I can’t explain.”

She continued in her post: “It is extremely difficult navigating motherhood without your baby. Kissing Elliot’s cold, hard urn every night is a stark contrast to kissing the soft, warm cheeks of my baby boy. There’s a hole in my heart that will never be healed, but I hold hope that motherhood won’t always look like this for me 🧸💕

Siesta Key’s Madisson Hausburg Is ‘Utterly Terrified’ to Get Pregnant After Stillborn Birth: 'Hole in My Heart'
Courtesy of Madisson Hausburg/Instagram

The reality TV star — who wed Soto, 47, in October 2021 — previously announced that she delivered her son stillborn at 37 weeks.

“Ish and I lost our son, Elliot Angel Soto, and I delivered him stillborn at 37 weeks,” she wrote via Instagram in December 2021. “Instead of leaving the hospital with our beautiful baby boy, I was wheeled out with just this memory box. It’s true what they say about there being no greater love than a mother’s love. And there is no deeper pain than losing a child.”

Related: Rainbow Babies! Stars Who Welcomed Children After Miscarriages

She added at the time: “Everyday I wake up to the agonizing reality that I will never again get to hold him or kiss him in this lifetime. I am completely and utterly heartbroken. I love you, I miss you, my perfect little Elliot ❤️👼.”

The Florida native and the producer previously confirmed to Us Weekly in August 2021 that they were expecting their first child together in January.

“We are beyond excited to finally share the news of our baby. We already love this little baby so much and can’t wait to meet them,” a statement from the twosome read.

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Since mourning Elliott’s death, Hausburg has been candid about sharing her experiences, even getting a tattoo in her little one’s honor.

“It’s extremely bittersweet revisiting those days at the hospital. I haven’t even begun to unpack the trauma and the weight that they carry,” she wrote via Instagram last month. “The past two months feel like a blur. The grief is all-consuming. I simply don’t know how to move forward without my baby, yet somehow the time still passes and I’m still here, just surviving. I could not do it without my incredible husband, my sisters, my parents, my friends, and especially all the fellow loss moms I have met along the way. I am so so thankful to have this platform to share Elliot with ALL of you. The outpouring of love has been such a light for me in these darkest of days.”

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