“I play this scenario in my head more than I should because first of all, I think — and again I’m not trying to speak for him and I don’t know — but I truly think he just will never understand me or respect certain decisions and I think he’s just gonna hold onto anger with me,” the 35-year-old reality TV personality admitted on the “Scrubbing In With Becca Tilley and Tanya Rad” podcast on Wednesday, July 1. “That’s how I feel so I would be nervous because I would probably play nice and even though he hurt me so terribly and things I’ve never even talked about, I hold anger too, but I know if I saw him I wouldn’t be able to be like ‘Meh,’ that’s just not me.”
Bristowe added that she hopes Booth’s new puppy, Walter, is in tow when the exes eventually run into each other.
“That would be a good distraction and I just want to be like ‘Hey, this is obviously weird. I don’t know how to even act right now, this is super weird,” the “Off the Vine” podcast host said, noting she would express her condolences for Booth’s late dog Tucker. “I’m so sorry about Tucker and I’m so glad you have a new pup.’ Like that’s probably what I would try and say.”
Bristowe and Booth, 33, got engaged during the July 2015 finale of The Bachelorette. Three years later, speculation surfaced that they were on the outs, but the duo didn’t confirm their split until November 2018. The “If I’m Being Honest” songstress told Becca Tilley that she reached out to the personal trainer in April after his dog died, but he didn’t respond.
“Obviously, I was just devastated for him because that was just like his absolute best friend and I thought for sure he would’ve reached out to me to say either ‘Hey we’re putting him down,’ or ‘Hey I didn’t want you to have to find this out through Instagram’ or something, but I can’t hold that against him,” Bristowe said. “Everybody grieves so differently and I don’t think I would want to talk to anybody in the world if I lost one of my dogs cause I would just be so like not okay. But I did reach out to him and said like ‘I am so sorry, if you need to talk. I’m devastated. I can’t imagine how you feel.’ And nothing.”
She continued: “He didn’t write me back. He wrote my cleaning lady back saying ‘Thank you, he loved spending time with you’ and I’m like, ‘Ah! Cleaning lady? Come on now!’”
After her split from Booth, Bristowe started seeing Jason Tartick, who competed on season 14 of The Bachelorette in 2018.
“I didn’t realize how miserable I was or how out of touch I was with myself and my confidence until — and I’m not trying to, obviously, blame Shawn, but I felt a lot of shame from the show,” she said. “I felt a lot of insecurities. I didn’t feel safe in the relationship. … It’s three and a half years of feeling shame and like I don’t deserve love from him. And I knew that wasn’t right, [but] that’s constantly what I was feeling for three and a half years.”
Bristowe and Tartick, 31, confirmed their relationship in January 2019. The twosome moved into together in Nashville that May. The Dancing With the Stars season 29 contestant previously spoke to Us Weekly about her decision to stay in Music City after moving there for Booth.
“I’m still in the house. … I made it my own,” she told Us in May. “I don’t want to run into [him], you know, that’s how we all feel after a breakup. But again, I had to get over that because I was like, ‘No, I’ve built a life here too and I love it here and I’m not going to run away just because of certain little fears after a breakup.'”