“I started to imagine who this little person would be and how excited I was to have another one, and then I was hit with an overwhelming wave of anxiety. I guess that’s what happens after miscarriage,” the Originals alum, 34, wrote via her Corner by Claire blog on Friday, May 26, noting that she felt the same emotions when she was expecting son James, 4, and daughter Elle, 2. “I took multiple tests each day to make sure the line was getting darker. My Google searches switched to miscarriage statistics and signs of loss.”
She added: “I often wonder what it must be like to go through a pregnancy without worrying that something will take your baby from you. Without waiting for bad news at every appointment. … I never really let myself get too excited as if it would somehow protect me from the pain if something weren’t right. It’s a sad way to experience something so beautiful, but I guess it’s human nature to want to shield yourself from heartache.”
Holt and the 40-year-old real estate executive, who wed in August 2018, previously suffered a miscarriage amid their engagement.
“I’ve never felt more broken in my life,” the 47 Meters Down actress wrote via Instagram in March 2018. “I debated sharing this so soon and I’m still frightened about making such a private struggle public, but I’m doing it anyway because it’s important. After my D & C, I spent hours on the internet searching for women who had been through it.”
She added at the time: “I was desperate to find someone, anyone, who could relate to what I was feeling. Someone to tell me that the depression and hopelessness were normal. That it wasn’t my fault. That I wasn’t broken forever. I found a community of women who shared my exact experience.”
While Holt was heartbroken over her loss, she leaned on Joblon for support.
“It was just really amazing to have a partner who was relentlessly there for me and so supportive and fights his own pain to help me out through it all,” the Pretty Little Liars alum exclusively told Us Weekly in February 2019. “It was a really beautiful experience, as well. Obviously, what we went through was tragic, but it brought us so much closer together. And I think it’s difficult to say this because I would have loved to have had the baby and have the pregnancy work out … but I wouldn’t change it because I learned so much, and it really strengthened our relationship.”
The twosome later welcomed rainbow babies James and Elle in March 2019 and September 2020, respectively. Amid raising their little ones, Holt revealed at the Cannes Film Festival earlier this month that she is pregnant with baby No. 3 as she stepped out on the red carpet cradling her growing belly.
In her Friday blog, the Australian actress recounted how she informed Joblon and their two children that she is pregnant again.
“I’m not one of those people who can plan a cute little surprise to share the news with their partner. I immediately ran downstairs, interrupted Andy’s meeting, and asked if I could borrow him for a minute,” she penned. “I blurted out that I was pregnant, we looked at each other stunned, shared a hug and a kiss, and then went back to our business.”
The couple ultimately waited until she was 9 weeks along to tell James and Elle the news. “To my great relief, the baby was growing and seemed healthy, so we told them they were having another sibling,” Holt added in her Friday post. “James was beside himself with joy — it was definitely one of the best moments of my life. In usual Elle fashion, she was nonchalant. God I want to be like her.”