Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos’ Funniest Quotes About Their Kids: ‘I’m Not Your Friend, I’m Your’ Parent

Credit: Courtesy of Kelly Ripa/Instagram

Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos' Funniest Quotes About Their Kids: 'I'm Not Your Friend, I'm Your' Parent

Poking fun at their family! Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos have welcomed three children since their 1996 marriage — and love cracking jokes about them. Michael was born in 1997, and he became an older brother four years later when Lola arrived, followed by Joaquin in 2003. Now the Live With Kelly and Ryan host and Riverdale stars’ brood is all grown up. While the journalist often gushes about her children on her talk show, Ripa also engages with them on social media. In May 2018, the All My Children alum posted an Instagram Boomerang video riding an inflatable version of a mechanical bull, which her daughter said made her feel “extremely uncomfortable.” “Then unfollow me,” the New Jersey native wrote back. She captioned a screenshot of the interaction: “She’s more of an @theellenshow fan,” referencing Ellen DeGeneres. One year later, Ripa clapped back at Lola again. It all started when the Emmy winner posted a throwback pic of her husband hugging her, captioned, “#fbf 2007 Those hands.” “Is the caption necessary?” the teenager asked with a face-palm emoji. Her mom’s response? “Gurl bye,” with a waving hand. When a commenter came to Ripa’s defense in the comments section, saying Lola was “jealous,” the three-time mom said, “No she’s just grossed out. That’s my daughter.” [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zv6Rg2pp1vM[/embed] Ripa and the actor are no strangers to candid confessions about their relationship. “When there's special married couple time in our house … he’s immediately mean to me afterwards, and I don't like that!” the dancer said of sex with her husband in February 2017. “I think it's bizarre. He becomes short with me. You know what I mean? Like, irritated. ... You were so loving, like, three minutes ago.” After Ripa apologized for the joke, Consuelos said, “I just wanted to set the record straight that no one can be mean after something if they are unconscious. I sleep.” Keep scrolling for a look at the funniest things the couple have said about their children. [podcast_block]

Credit: Courtesy of Kelly Ripa/Instagram

Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos' Funniest Quotes About Their Kids: 'I'm Not Your Friend, I'm Your' Parent

Poking fun at their family! Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos have welcomed three children since their 1996 marriage — and love cracking jokes about them. Michael was born in 1997, and he became an older brother four years later when Lola arrived, followed by Joaquin in 2003. Now the Live With Kelly and Ryan host and Riverdale stars’ brood is all grown up. While the journalist often gushes about her children on her talk show, Ripa also engages with them on social media. In May 2018, the All My Children alum posted an Instagram Boomerang video riding an inflatable version of a mechanical bull, which her daughter said made her feel “extremely uncomfortable.” “Then unfollow me,” the New Jersey native wrote back. She captioned a screenshot of the interaction: “She’s more of an @theellenshow fan,” referencing Ellen DeGeneres. One year later, Ripa clapped back at Lola again. It all started when the Emmy winner posted a throwback pic of her husband hugging her, captioned, “#fbf 2007 Those hands.” “Is the caption necessary?” the teenager asked with a face-palm emoji. Her mom’s response? “Gurl bye,” with a waving hand. When a commenter came to Ripa’s defense in the comments section, saying Lola was “jealous,” the three-time mom said, “No she’s just grossed out. That’s my daughter.” [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zv6Rg2pp1vM[/embed] Ripa and the actor are no strangers to candid confessions about their relationship. “When there's special married couple time in our house … he’s immediately mean to me afterwards, and I don't like that!” the dancer said of sex with her husband in February 2017. “I think it's bizarre. He becomes short with me. You know what I mean? Like, irritated. ... You were so loving, like, three minutes ago.” After Ripa apologized for the joke, Consuelos said, “I just wanted to set the record straight that no one can be mean after something if they are unconscious. I sleep.” Keep scrolling for a look at the funniest things the couple have said about their children. [podcast_block]

Credit: Courtesy of Mark Consuelos/Instagram

Yuck

Michael, Lola and Joaquin are “grossed out” by their parents, Ripa said in a March 2022 Live With Kelly and Ryan episode, explaining, “They're sickened by us. And I'm not sure why that is. But they are disgusted by our eating. They make fun of my eating a lot."

Credit: Courtesy of Joaquin Consuelos/Instagram

Time Flies

“Suddenly you blink and they're gone,” Ripa told her Live With Kelly and Ryan audience while celebrating son Joaquin’s 19th birthday in February 2022.

Credit: Courtesy of Kelly Ripa/Instagram

In the Dark

When Ripa called Consuelos a “stage dad” in a February 2022 episode of her show, he joked that they are both “wrestling parents” who “don’t know anything” about their youngest son’s sport. “I don't know what they're doing," the actor added. "I have no idea what they're doing."

Credit: Courtesy of Kelly Ripa/Instagram

Name Game

Ripa described the inspiration behind all of her kids’ names during a January 2022 episode of her show, saying, “We wound up giving Joaquin Michael's name. Michael was supposed to be Joaquin. Michael was ... named after Mark's two grandfathers who passed away right before he was born, so that's how we came up with his name. Joaquin, we knew we were naming him Joaquin. ... Lola was supposed to be Sophia, but on the way to the hospital in the taxi, the driver was listening to the radio — the 70s station — and 'Copacabana' by Barry Manilow was playing. I heard that [lyric] when he said, 'Her name was Lola,' and I said to Mark, 'Lola Consuelos would be a really cool name.' And he said, 'If she's a girl, let's name her Lola.' And that was it.”

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Staying Secret

Ripa joked in a December 2021 episode of her talk show that she has a “favorite child” and “favorite dog,” adding, “They don't know who they are. As a matter of fact, each one of my kids accuses the other child of being my favorite. Constantly. They're like, 'Well, you're mom's favorite.' 'No you are.' 'No, you are!' And that's the best game to play, isn't it? You never know who is going to benefit at the reading of the will."

Credit: Courtesy of Kelly Ripa/Instagram

Football Fans

"Scenes from a marriage: college visit,” Ripa captioned September 2021 Instagram photos at the University of Michigan. “Go Blue!"

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Time for Tears

Dropping Joaquin off at college was “brutally painful,” Ripa said during a September 2021 Live! With Kelly and Ryan episode. "I said, 'I did not realize that 18 years would go so fast.' And he didn't say anything, he was just giving me a hug. … It's one of those things where you can never be ready. We’ve done it before but the other two, they stayed in New York so we knew they were there, even though their visits weren't as frequent as we thought."

Credit: Courtesy Kelly Ripa/Instagram

Another Decade Down

“Happy 20th birthday to the little lady with the big feet,” Ripa captioned a black-and-white Instagram photo of her daughter in June 2021. “We love you so much! You are our favorite daughter, no doubt! (This was the approved photo)."

Credit: Courtesy of Mark Consuelos/Instagram

Memory Lane

When Consuelos wished Joaquin a happy 18th birthday in February 2021, Ripa commented on his Instagram post: "You know what? Making him was so much fun.”

Credit: ABC

Headed to College

While Ripa’s youngest has “lots of options” in picking colleges, the former soap star wasn’t sure that Joaquin would ever “be able to go” to a university. “He was profoundly dyslexic and dysgraphic,” she explained during a February 2021 Live With Kelly and Ryan episode. "I always say that dyslexia, for our family at least and if you read about it, it can be quite a blessing. Kids with dyslexia learn how to read the room. They pick up on social cues." 

Credit: Courtesy of Kelly Ripa/Instagram (2)

Civic Duty

After Lola voted in her first election in October 2020 with her brother Michael, Ripa wrote via Instagram: “Couple of chips off the ol’ block."

Credit: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP/Shutterstock

Coming Soon

When Gwyneth Paltrow posed nude for her 48th birthday in September 2020, Ripa texted the news to her daughter. "You've been warned," she wrote, referencing her 50th birthday the following month.

Credit: Charles Sykes/Invision/AP/Shutterstock

Looking on the Bright Side

Consuelos gushed to Bruce Bozzi about “the silver lining” of the coronavirus pandemic in September 2020, explaining, “We get to spend three months with my 23-year-old son, 12 weeks. All of us together? We'll never get to do that again."

Credit: Courtesy of Kelly Ripa/Instagram (2)

Round 2

"2003 vs. 2020. Objects may appear larger,” the Emmy winner captioned an August 2020 Instagram upload, recreating a throwback picture with her three kids.

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Clean House

“We've established a chore wheel where everybody has a chore of the week," Ripa said on a June 2020 Live With Kelly and Ryan episode, explaining, "Somebody’s vacuuming, somebody does the dishes, somebody does the laundry, somebody cleans the toilet.” The former soap star noted that the last choice is an “unpopular” one.

Credit: Gregory Pace/Shutterstock; Rob Latour/Variety/Shutterstock

New Nickname

In June 2020, Ripa said that her eldest son used to play on the set of All My Children and refer to her former costar Josh Duhamel as “Iron Giant.”

Credit: Courtesy Kelly Ripa/Instagram; Richard Shotwell/Invision/AP/Shutterstock

Too Much Taunting

"She doesn't want me to have TikTok," Ripa said in May 2020 of her daughter. “She's heckling me the whole time [I’m filming videos]!”

Credit: Courtesy Kelly Ripa/Instagram

Putting in Work

"Breaking news. Michael Consuelos wanted me to tell you, Ryan, that he is most certainly not enjoying his time in quarantine," Ripa told her cohost in May 2020 while her eldest son helped her produce the show from home.

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Truth Hurts

“I had a one-piece and I put it on and my daughter said, ‘Do yourself a favor and do not wear that on Instagram. I know that you think right now it’s great, but later on, I promise you will hate it,’” Ripa revealed in an April 2020 Instagram Live video.

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Borrowing Beauty Products

She added at the time: “I keep putting on my daughter’s self-tanner, thinking that will help. All of my clothes, all of my hair products, and all of my makeup is locked in the studio, which is closed because of [the coronavirus pandemic]. I realized it was such a blessing to have this place to keep everything. So now I’m just in an 18-year-old self-tanner and workout clothes.”

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Harshest Critics

Ripa gushed about quarantining with her and Consuelos’ kids before admitting to Andy Cohen and Bruce Bozzi in April 2020: “They make fun of us constantly. … As soon as I leave the office when I’m done with my show and walk into the kitchen, they are on me, totally making fun of every word I said.”

Credit: Courtesy of Kelly Ripa/Instagram

Social Distancing

"My kids, like, won't hug me," Ripa told Seacrest in April 2020 while self-quarantine with her family amid the coronavirus pandemic. "And I'm like, 'Guys we've all been in lockdown together. We're fine. You can give me a hug. It's fine.'"

Credit: Courtesy of Kelly Ripa/Instagram

TikTok Time

When Lola admitted during a March 2020 Live With Kelly and Ryan appearance that she “can’t get off of” TikTok while self-quarantining amid the coronavirus spread, she made it clear she wouldn’t collaborate on a video with her parents. Ripa agreed, telling Seacrest at the time: “You have a better chance of doing a TikTok video with Lola than we have of doing a TikTok video with Lola. That I can guarantee you.”

Credit: Courtesy of Kelly Ripa/Instagram

Making It Work

“Going from one to two [kids] seemed like a big deal at the time, but @instasuelos has always been a multitasker,” Ripa captioned June 2001 throwback photos in February 2020. In the social media slideshow, Consuelos was all smiles with Michael and Lola in his arms.

Credit: Courtesy Kelly Ripa/Instagram

Birthday Boy

"This is your life my newborn, or at least what I have stored on my phone,” the former soap opera star joked via Instagram in February 2020 while celebrating Joaquin’s 17th birthday with throwback photos.

Credit: Gregory Pace/Shutterstock; Inset: Courtesy of Kella Ripa/Instagram

Ouch

“From our point of view, it looked like he got poked in the eye,” Ripa said of her son Joaquin's broken nose on Live With Kelly and Ryan in January 2020. “I was like, ‘I get it, that hurts, sometimes your eye won’t open.’ But we were like, ‘OK Joaquin, for heaven’s sakes, pull yourself together.’ And I was saying, ‘See? He’s an actor.’ Because he was [covering his face]. It was very dramatic!” The All My Children alum shared a shot of her youngest posing with tampons up his nose to stop the bleeding.

Credit: Efren Landaos/SOPA Images/Shutterstock

Waterworks

Ripa revealed she got emotional while watching home videos of her children in January 2020, telling Seacrest: “When you cry in front of your kids, it terrifies them. They’re just not sure why. They're like, ‘Why are you crying? Are you OK?’”

Credit: Courtesy Kelly Ripa/Instagram

Groupie

The former soap opera actress referred to her husband as her man crush in December 2019, noting that her son Michael is her “#mc2.”

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College Kid

The New Jersey native admitted that her daughter was “stressed out” ahead of her first finals week in December 2019.

Credit: Courtesy of Kelly Ripa/Instagram

Putting Her Foot Down

"[Joaquin] is not allowed to even apply to NYU or [any schools] within the tristate area," Ripa told Jimmy Kimmel in October 2019 after his older siblings came home for visits too frequently.

Credit: Debby Wong/Shutterstock

Speed Dial

“I check in [on my daughter] so much,” Conseulos told Us exclusively in October 2019 after Lola left for college. “[She] thinks I’m obsessed with her.”

Credit: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP/Shutterstock

New Chapter

"Drop her off? She jumped out of a moving car and was like, ‘Bye, bye, bye,’" the former soap opera actress said in September 2019 of bringing her daughter, Lola, to her New York University dorm.

Credit: Gregory Pace/Shutterstock

Major Milestone

"If she feels homesick, I have to say to her, 'You can't come home. You have to work it out,'" Ripa said in September 2019 of moving her daughter into her New York University dorm room. 

Credit: Charles Sykes/Bravo/NBCU Photo Bank/Getty Images

Birthday Surprise

Lola’s 18th birthday took a turn when she opened the door on her parents having sex, Ripa admitted in a June 2019 episode of her show. “[She said,] ‘Thanks for ruining my birthday,’” the Hope & Faith alum recalled. “'And thanks for ruining my life. I used to see in color, and now everything is gray!'"

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Proud Parents

“18 years ago i came up with the best Father’s Day present for @instasuelos,” the former soap actress captioned an Instagram video on Lola’s birthday. “Happy Birthday @theyoungestyung we love you so much we actually punch ourselves in the face.”

Consuelos added: “Happy 18th LGC. You were the best Father’s Day gift ever. Fly high and remember to keep your heels down.”

Credit: Dominik Bindl/Getty Images

Called Out

“Shouldn’t you be reading a book or something?” the ABC personality asked her daughter in March 2019 after Lola hated on an Instagram video of Consuelos’ abs.

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Privacy, Please

Ripa found herself in hot water after she shared a throwback pic of her daughter on social media. “She'slike, 'You take it down right now!'” the journalist recalled. “'My friends follow you for some reason, and they will see this!'”

She added: "It’s so bizarre. I’m never allowed to post a photo of her — ever. … Why did I have these kids if not to exploit them on social media?"

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Detention

Getting her son in trouble! When Ripa let Michael bring Stephen Colbert’s 2012 children’s book I Am a Pole (And So Can You!) to school, his teacher found fault with the line, “I interned as a stripper pole, but I couldn’t stand the grind.” She wrote Ripa a note, reading, “I really tried to stick with it. But at a certain point, certain things aren’t appropriate for 9-year-olds.”

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Tearing Up

When Ripa found out that her dyslexic son, Joaquin, was earning straight A’s in high school, she broke down during a parent-teacher conference. “He was laughing so hard at me crying because I think it made him so uncomfortable,” she shared. “I said, ‘I’m so proud of you. … I had to wait three kids to hear these words.’” 

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Clear Boundaries

“I don't think she likes me, but I don't care. I'm like, 'I'm not your friend, I'm your mom,’” the TV personality told Wendy Williams in November 2014. “I just feel an obligation as her mom to keep her living in the real world."

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Real Reminder

After Michael was cast as a young Hiram Lodge in Riverdale, Ripa told her son: “@instasuelos and I would like to take this opportunity to remind you and your siblings that as your fiduciaries we are hereby entitled to 10% of all future earnings hereto wit, or something like that.”

Credit: Dan MacMedan/Getty Images

Get a Room

“So my daughter and my older son, if there’s PDA, they are disgusted. We're not making out, but if ... Mark gives me a kiss, they’re like, ‘Ugh, ugh!’” she told Us Weekly exclusively of Lola and Michael in November 2018. “[Joaquin is like,] ‘Aw, that’s so nice.’ He’s still sweet. They haven’t ruined him yet, the other two, but I know it’s coming.”