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Exclusive: SYTYCD's Mary Murphy Reveals Shocking Story of Abuse

Wednesday – October 14, 2009 – 1:06pm

In the new issue of Us Weekly (on newsstands now), So You Think You Can Dance judge Mary Murphy opens up for the first time ever about surviving a nine-year abusive relationship, during which she was repeatedly raped and beaten and suffered a miscarriage.

She tells Us Weekly her ex-husband - whose name is being withheld but who says Murphy's claims are "flat-out lies" - raped her for the first time three months after they wed.

"We'd had another jealous fight, screaming, crashing over furniture, and he said, 'I want to have sex,'" Murphy, 51, tells Us Weekly. "I was like, 'Are you kidding me?! We're fighting here!' He said, 'You're my wife, and you'll do what I tell you!' I pulled out a kitchen knife and screamed, 'You're going to have to stab me, because I'm not having sex with you!' He knocked it out of my hands, held me down and raped me."

See celebrities who have survived abuse

Soon, she says, a pattern developed: "A fight, then rape, then presents: a dress, a diamond bracelet, earrings. In the first year or two, I'd fight back, but eventually, I'd just lie there. Get it over with, I thought. It'll be quick anyway."

For years, "I'd have black eyes and bruises," she tells Us Weekly. "But I never called the police or went to the hospital. I didn't want anybody to know."

She says she got pregnant around 1982. "But in my fourth month, I miscarried," she tells Us Weekly. "My husband was disgusted, saying I murdered our baby, because I'd done some light dancing the night before. I was sinking deeper and deeper at that point, just reeling into despair."

In 1985, she learned her husband - who was from a wealthy, prominent family in the Middle East - had proposed to another woman during one of his Middle East trips.

The news made her feel as if "I'd been hit by a sledgehammer," and after discovering that he had another girlfriend in Germany, she says she was "motivated" to finally leave him.

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Murphy, who was teaching dance, eventually saved up enough money to leave and drove to San Diego, where she called her husband to ask for a divorce.

Says Murphy, "I faced him one more time to sign the papers, and then I never heard from him again."

For more on her remarkable story - including how she feared her husband would "kill" her, how dancing helped her become a "strong woman" and how she learned to believe in love again - pick up the new Us Weekly today!

 

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  • November 04, 2009 - 11:23pm Alice Says:

    That's just horrible...I mean, I never would have thought! The other day, I saw her on the Ellen Degeneres show after doubting the article. And she does actually open up, cry and tell the truth. She was abused, and I always thought she was so annoying and now I feel so bad...
  • October 27, 2009 - 3:17pm aml Says:

    For those who say that 100% Christian people don't abuse their wives etc., I've seen the cycle of abuse first hand, and he was WHITE AND CHRISTIAN.... an abuser is an abuser, get your head out of your a** and recognize that it has nothing to do with religion or culture.
  • October 23, 2009 - 2:54pm s Says:

    It is amazing that the only thing anyone got out of this story is that her ex was from the Middle East. I don't think that was the point of the story. Congratulations on being completely ignorant as usual. Abuse is abuse and should not be tolerated no matter who the man is. My husband is Lebanese and guess what? Shocker! he does NOT beat me. We can do better people
  • October 23, 2009 - 11:18am Crystal Says:

    So thats why she is crazy...
  • October 22, 2009 - 8:03pm Elle A. Says:

    While agree with Mark that people should not bash Muslims for this story just because the guy is Middle Eastern, I disagree that he is 100% Christian. If he were he would not have abused his wife. Non-Muslin does not equal Christian. Many people may adopt the term Christian because they fit no where else in any organized religion and believe in God. True Christians are disciples of Christ, who taught to love one another not abuse others. This man's ethnicity has nothing to do with the story except that he is in fact from the Middle East. Abusers come from any and all walks of life. It's a mind-set of an individual sometimes influenced by culture and society but certainly that is not the only or most heavy influence. Usually it is learned by seeing it happen at home no matter what country you live in. The focus on the story should be that she survived and now thrives dispite the horror she went through.
  • October 22, 2009 - 3:59am Mark Says:

    To all the posters here who are bashing Islam and Muslims for this story. Did you not notice the Christian wedding attire on both the bride and the groom in the wedding photo on the cover? Sorry Christians, even if this guy was from the middle east he's 100% Christian. Muslim wedding attire is COMPLETELY different. This is just like that time the entire nation was blaming the Muslims for the Anthrax attacks. It turns out it was a WHITE CHRISTIAN GUY named Bruce Edwards Ivins. A scientist who worked at the government's biodefense labs at Fort Detrick in Frederick, Maryland.
  • October 21, 2009 - 3:11pm will Says:

    It's ignorant to call out a culture as if they are all abusers. It doesn't matter where you are from- abuse can be in ever race/religion/culture. I also don't think that ANYONE can judge her since we haven't been through the same thing. I don't know what it is like to live in fear but I'm sure it is not easy and although leaving seems like the obvious solution, I think you are pretty brained washed or warped at that time to think rationally. She loved this man, yet he was beating her. I commend her for changing her life, following something she loves, AND for speaking out on a subject that doesn't get brought up much but obviously happens. She always seems so happy on the show which is all the more reason that proves you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. It took her courage to share it. Anyone who is commenting on her or how she looks needs to grow up. She is a brave woman and no matter age/looks she should only be lifted up. She's gone through enough!
  • October 21, 2009 - 11:12am Anonymous Says:

    Are you kidding me? "they tend to treat their women like property over there...: That's everywhere. That's why there are shelters for battered women her in America. Please don't make yourself sound ignorant. And I know this because my husband is Muslim raised in another country and one of the kindest souls you could ever meet. We've been happily married for years without any abuse, thanks very much. Your ignorance disgusts me.
  • October 21, 2009 - 12:47am Bangash Says:

    The abuse she went through is horrible, however I don't see the connection to Middle East or Islam that people are making here. Most American women are abused by American men, not Middle Easterners.
  • October 19, 2009 - 7:16pm Anonymous Says:

    She should've left and pressed charges right from the start.
  • October 18, 2009 - 4:52pm Anonymous Says:

    such ignorance about middle east culture and Islam!! like western and American culture doesn't produce wife beaters and killers, do you even follow the news in your country?? and to the person whose middle eastern boyfriend wanted her to meet his family: beleive me if the guy was the of the type to have sexual relationship with you without marriage, then his family wouldn't even bat an eye at that.
  • October 15, 2009 - 9:40am Julie Says:

    I had a simular experience many years ago. I got out then found out I was pregnant. I was so afraid of him finding me that I gave the baby up to protect her. He never knew about the baby. He has since died of cancer. I danced!
  • October 15, 2009 - 9:09am Anonymous Says:

    the abuse shouldve been the motivating factor to leave not another women.
  • October 15, 2009 - 1:48am Anonymous Says:

    I hate Marys scream, but I like her. I am glad she is a survivor, and made a success of herself. She is very talented and knows her stuff.
  • October 15, 2009 - 1:27am Helena Says:

    She looks pretty good for her age, no matter how she got there. Stop being so catty. I applaude her for standing up for herself. Way to go Mary......
  • October 15, 2009 - 12:50am Anonymous Says:

    I had a Middle Eastern boyfriend...he tried to get me to go to his country to meet his Mother...I said no.... I knew as soon as I got off the plane in his country...they would stone me....Because I have Low tolerance for "Male Dominant....I do not walk behind a man...I will voice my opinion and if you hit me....some way I'm going to hit BACK...so the ideal of me going to meet his Mother and getting stuck over there was not going to happened.... My son's father is from anther country and I did not put his name on the Birth certificate...fearing he would take my son to his country and I'l never see him...I have the papers he signed saying he is the father...but I never turned it in......
  • October 14, 2009 - 8:28pm Anonymous Says:

    that story is horrible. poor mary! the generalizations of middle eastern culture, however, are laughable. there are many different cultures and religions in the middle east. And if you were talking about Islam, yes, there are in fact divorces allowed in the religion.
  • October 14, 2009 - 5:54pm Anonymous Says:

    she didn't deserve this at all people like this should be punished.
  • October 14, 2009 - 5:00pm Catherine Todd Says:

    Families, fathers, sons and other men in the Middle East kill women and girls all the time. When they kill a wife, daughter or girlfriend, It's called "an honor killing." They stone them to death, stab or beat them to death. It's a brutal culture. These killings are either accepted under the law or ignored.
  • October 14, 2009 - 4:59pm Been there Says:

    2:16pm- "I have no idea what that would even be like because I was brought up to never take anything else from a man then respect." I was brought up that way too, but yet I found myself in a two year abusive relationship. My mother had a judgmental, holier-than-thou attitude much like yourself, which gutted my self-esteem. That is what kept me in the relationship as long as it did. After escaping the abuse, my mother said she was ashamed of me. I can only hope that you will do better by your daughters someday.

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